Parenting Culture Clash and Rambunctious Boy VENT

I think it’s hard for little boys to sit still at school and “learn” when they should be up touching and exploring as part of the learning. I think it’s easy for people without children or who have forgotten what it’s like to pass judgement but they don’t have a clue.

I struggle with this too. I also have rambunctious boys. Today I had to leave Kohls totally humiliated because they were being so bad.

Before I had kids, I always thought I would just “make” my kids obey. Now that I have kids, I know it’s not that easy.

Kids do not reason (obviously) like an adult does. I find myself defending the kid’s actions to DH too. He is sometimes not understanding of some of the things they do.

At some point though, kids have to be responsive to what adults say, even if they are not a parent or whatever, just because it’s respectful. They don’t always need to know the reason why.

My oldest son always is asking “why” when I tell him to do something. I appreciate his curiousness, but sometimes I just want to say “Because I said so, that’s why.” I wouldn’t do that because that’s the number one thing I hated that my parents said to me, but you know what? They were right. For goodness sakes, do it because I asked you to or someone else asked you too.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I am commiserating, but can also see the other side too!

I definitley see the connection between the older generation, and today’s parents.

Today, we were at the library. I had a ton of books and videos to check out, and I was holding my 2 year old DD’s hand. My 6 year old DS was standing by the door, pushing the automatic door button as guests came in. I was keeping an eye on him! He was only pushing the button for guests, not just to be simply pressing a button. In his eyes, he was being helpful. Patrons were saying things like “Thank you young man.” Just then, an older employee walks up to him, stoops to eye level and LOUDLY says to him (and to me I’m sure), “You must quit playing with the door, you’ll break it. Go stand by your mother.”

I will say it irritated me! As we walked to the car, I told him while it is nice to hold the door open for someone, next time he should use the automatic opener for only those that don’t have free hands. That is hard for a barely 6 year old to grasp though!

Well today at the grocery store when I was trying to buy ground beef I wanted to strangle this little boy that was yelling and nearly running me over with his mothers’ cart, but I kept my mouth shut. I remember how flustered my mom got when we all had to grocery-shop together (I am the eldest of four) and I also remember how silly my little brothers were, and how terribly BORED I was grocery shopping.

Calling other moms of boys!

I am there with you. I think some people forget what it is like to have a young rambunctious boy. Mine is 3 1/2 and very rambunctious. Especially older people whose kids are grown. Yet when I ask my mother what she did about my brother’s tantrums when he was little and her answer is, “I forget. It was too long ago”. One time when my son was throwing a tantrum in K-mart, I took him to the bathroom and spanked his bottom then had my husband take him to the car while I waited in line to pay for my things. The man behind me said, “A good whipping on the butt would solve that problem”. Boy, was I infuriated. I said, “For your information, we just came from the bathroom where I spanked his butt good and as you can see, it only made matters worse, so mind your business”. I am finding myself telling people more and more to just mind their own business!

They had something about this on 60 minutes once. Teachers and others are not letting boys be boys. Yes, they should behave, but part of their behavior is just boy behavior, and while they should be taught to behave appropriately in public, they should also be allowed to be boys. I can’t go into too much detail right now (because one of my boys just pushed my daughter and she’s crying—LOL), but this one really gets my husband going.

I have 4 boys and believe it or not they all have different styles. My 3 year old is nothing like my 13 year old was at his age. So I’ve had to change my way of thinking and everything else to deal with my 3 year old. Is he bad? No. He’s just a total boy 24-7. He likes to run, jump off things, play in the mud, run through puddles and anything else he can do. But he also knows what quiet time is, and how to play quietly with his toys.

It is rough taking kids out to do things like grocery shopping, pictures or eating out. And I cut other parents a lot of slack because I know that at any minute it could be my kid throwing a fit. Now there have been times I’ve had to reign my child in and I’ve only had a woman say something to me once. I was pregnant with my last child, not feeling well and my son wanted to walk and not sit in the buggy at Target. We were talking about this when a woman said she needed to get a cart. (Mind you she didn’t say excuse me) Anyway we moved to the side and I continued to tell my son he had to sit in the cart or we were going to the car. He wasn’t screaming and I wasn’t raising my voice. She very loudly says that she wouldn’t argue with a child. I said, thanks, but I’m not arguing. She just looked at me. I looked back at my son and he asked me to lift him up into the cart. When I did this, she told me I must have bribed him. That was my breaking point. Why would I have to bribe my child into doing something I wanted? I politely asked her if she had kids. She said no, only nieces and nephews. Then with the biggest smile on my face I told her that until she had kids of her own, to leave everyone else alone. I wanted to say more, but bit my tongue.

I think that alot of older people were raised with that don’t talk unless spoken to mentality. But that just doesn’t work for me. I want to interact with my kids, I want them to ask questions (sometimes LOL) and I want them to explore things. But I think in the end it is up to us as parents to set the example we want our children to grow up with. And to me the don’t talk unless spoken to mentality just doesn’t work for me. So I reinvent the parenting wheel as I need to.

ahhh-the joy- i have a son in hands right now so ill have to return to this post but im right there w you!

I completely disagree with you on a couple of points that you’ve made.

In regard to situation #2: It WAS disrespectful of your child to walk on the platform supporting a nature exhibit, REGARDLESS of whether he was at risk for hurting himself or the exhibit and if he didn’t respond to your request to get down, it is your responsibility as a parent to insure that he does exactly that and not allow someone else the opportunity to do so for you. Nature exhibits are there for the public to enjoy and must be treated with respect.

Regarding situation #3: I was completely appalled when I read this. I do not think that a child should EVER talk to an adult in that fashion and I am at a loss as to why you would justify his response. I think when a child says to an adult, “Why should I?”, he’s not using rationale, but simply testing authority. I would NEVER allow my child to speak to ANY adult like that.

I will say that I agree that there is some outdated parenting advice floating around out there, but there is a reason that certain teachings have lasted throughout the years-they WORK! However, common respect is something I feel that should never be faltered on when rearing children….