Is it just me?
Comments (19)
RE: Is it just me?
I’m with you. If you want any hope of any kind of a future, that kind of contact must stop. He’s obviously not taking the relationship seriously and you made the right move by breaking up with him. I’m also agreeing with your ex, kind of. Guys who cheat will try to find any possible explanation or excuse as to why is WASN’T cheating. Example: it’s not sex so it can’t be cheating. WRONG!
RE: Is it just me?
Um, no you are correct that the activity should stop (IMO).
That is not true at all that cheating is only cheating if it involves sex…and I can vouch that not all men think that – my husband does not. Even though I have male friends, and he has female friends, we both understand you can’t really act the same way with them as you can with friends of the same sex…there is just something different and there is a line that can’t be crossed.
Don’t get me wrong – people have all different types of expectations in relationships – if your ex boyfriend wants to be with someone who is ok with him doing things like that, he needs to find someone who also believes that is ok. But you don’t – and you shouldn’t be with someone who does not agree with that.
~Mommy to the most beautiful boy, Wife, and Realtor :)
RE: Is it just me?
Sorry Nickita but your ex is wrong. Not all men veiw cheating as sex and if your just flirting it’s okay. By that logic is a hand job “not” cheating or just plain kissing or making out. Hell the highschool kids don’t think BJ’s are the same as sex. What about masterbaiting in front of each other. Those are extreme examples but it sounds to me like by your ex’s definition one could take another women out on a date, spend $100 on dinner, hold hands and kiss during the movie and it would not be cheating. I used to date a guy who said lots of sweet things but never that we were exclusive (dumbass me just assumed). I found out later that he’d been dating another women behind my back for 3 monthes and let’s just say I got even :) I think you made the right decision, it’s hard but the right man will come your way.
RE: Is it just me?
Men are PIGS.
Ok I got that out of my system LOL.
On the serious side, I think you were 100% in the right for ending things. If he is still “browsing” on that site then he isn’t commited at all. It might be early in your relationship, but there always has to be some level of commitment for anything to become of it. How would he feel if you were “browsing” as well? Probably not so good.
Once again- refer to my statement above OINK!
RE: Is it just me?
People – some men, some women – view relationships differently than other people – some men, some women. Did he ever say, “I am exclusive with you”? If not, then I’d say he can keep looking and casually dating other women. I think that unless he makes a statement that he IS exclusive to you and only you, then you can’t expect much. (FWIW, I’m basing my answer on how I, a WOMAN, date.)
-Misty, mama to Uther (3) || Currently knitting: Spirogyra
IMO
If he’s still looking he’s not ready to commit. I remember when I started dating my DH and a Woman came into our work and gave him her room # at a hotel (What can I say, he was HOT and she was clearly a slut, LOL) He came up to me and I said “Did she give you her phone # to hook up later?” and he said “Nope”.
I said “what is on that paper” (as he is crumblimg in up into a ball) and he said “Her hotel room #!” as he threw it away.
He showed me right then that he was serious about us. We were bartenders and were often getting numbers and invites to meet up with others. He could have easily lied or hid it from me. He didn’t.
It sounds like you did the right thing by ending it :)
Good luck out in the Sea! There’s surely a good catch for you out there!
Whenever there is resistance from anyone along your path, quickly remove them from your healing circle. Always move forward and stay away from these road blocks.
May the light always shine upon you, and may love and laughter always fill your heart.
RE: Is it just me?
what is it that men can say cheating is only when sex is involved. They think being nice and flirting with girls boost that girls self esteem. But how would he act if roles were reversed. Do you think he would be upset if he found out you were talking to guys online? I will be the first to say I hate the internet. I have it in my head that we tend to use it as a “hook up” resource. And I only think that because I found out on the internet that my ex husband cheated on me. So I know how you feel about protecting yourself from being cheated on again. I let the internet get in the way of a perfect relationship with my current bf and I just come to realize that if you have love for that person and you trust them, then you have nothing to worry about. BUT dont drop the lines of communication.
Follow your heart, and your gut. Ask him what the future holds. And tell him what bothers you, and you will get your answers.
RE: Is it just me?
You completely did the right thing, it seems as though men are always looking for something better out there, which in turn makes us ladies feel great about ourselves! This is probably why I am still single, lol, been there done that, same situation, you are better off, believe me, the loneliness is much easier than the hurt that would be caused to you in this situation, keep your head up chick and stay strong!
"RE: Is it just me? People – some men, some women – view relationships differently than other..."
RE: RE: Is it just me?
He actually did in fact say that we were exclusively dating. Of course, saying and doing are completely different things though.. lol
“For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord”, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
RE: Is it just me?
If you are looking for a committed relationship, I would say this is not the guy for you. I hated that whole song and dance where you never really know where the other person stands. My thoughts are that when you meet the right guy, he will be all about you and there will be no doubts in your mind about that. Don’t settle for anything less, if that is what you want.
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Submitted by Nickita Bananna on Jul 03, 2008 at 9:44 AM
I was just curious on what all of you ladies thought of this.
Last night, I went over the my bfs house. We have been dating for a little while and it seemed like our relationship was blossoming into something really good. He would say incredibly sweet things, and make remarks that made me think he wanted a future with me. Well while I was over his place this time, I came to realize he is still browsing on the site where we met, and talking to quite a few women. Also, a few phone calls here and there.He just put all off on oh, old friends are looking me up.(LIAR!) Basically, my feelings were as if he were acting as if “we” werent going anywhere, so he could continue looking.
Of course, I ended anything that was between us. After talking to my ex husband, he filled me in on a few things. He said men only associate cheating with sex, so he probably doesnt feel as if he was doing anything wrong. They feel its completely okay to continue looking, getting together with woman as long as it doesnt involve sex. I think thats upsurd!
So I was curious, what do you ladies think? Is it just me trying to avoid any more cheating spouses, and I need to overlook things? Or, am I correct in my thinking that you should stop that sort of activity when you are trying to give your relationship with someone a go? Why bother saying sweet things when you know what your doing?
“For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord”, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).