Thoughts on Play Fighting

Submitted by corazon on Apr 01, 2008 at 4:11 PM

I've always been uncomfortable when children play fight at home or in public. As a teacher, obviously, I can't allow any of this sort of behavior in my classroom or anywhere in my school (even if they are not my students).

I have a daughter who is three, and she does not play fight ever. She's pretty calm and plays quietly. She will run around and act silly. But, it doesn't occur to her to just tackle her brother. Of course, I admit that I love this because I haven't had to deal with play fighting (roughhousing). I just don't know I will handle it if my son likes to do this. He's fifteen months now.

Here's what happened recently. My father was in town this weekend, and we went to my aunt's house to celebrate many birthdays. My aunt has two young boys who are eight and five. My half-brother who is seven was there, and so was my nephew who is almost five (but very big for his age.) As soon as these boys were together, they started play fighting (I call it play, but it seemed more like fighting to me) immediately. It bothered my sister and me, but it didn't seem to be bothering anyone else. I checked on them a couple of times. Then, I decided they weren't my children, and it wasn't my house.

Later on in the madness, my aunt pointed to my daughter who was quietly reading (looking at) a book in the corner. She seemed oblivious to the boys and how loud they were by that point. We died laughing because it just kind of demonstrated how different they are.

What are your thoughts on when enough is enough? Who has rules about play fighting? Would you have stepped in if your son was fighting like this, and it was getting rough?

Comments (6)

A tough call

by Krazydogsgirl on Apr 01, 2008 at 4:21 PM

I don't like calling it play fighting for one. My 3 year old likes to wrestle but when someone starts to get a little too rough I end it. I have also told my son that he can never hit anyone in the back or in the head. Hitting in general is a no no to me but he does this with his daddy. My husband doesn't hit him but he pretends to and ds acts like he did and hits the ground.
Also with my son I only let him wrestle with certain family and friends so that he knows when it's acceptable.

Were these boys throwing actual punches? I would have said something if they were. If it was just wrestling then I wouldn't have.

"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise" -Alden Nowlan

DS 5/17/05
Baby due 5/10/08

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I say... not okay for my

by LizC on Apr 01, 2008 at 4:22 PM

I say... not okay for my kids. My brothers weren't allowed to play fight- although they tried! And tried to real fight too.

I think allowing play fighting allows a lot of leeway when real confrontations occur.

I think that there are better ways to let off that kind of steam.

I do, however, think that play fighting is okay when completely fictitious- playing like your fingers being lasers and stuff.

~Liz~
Teagan (Mar '05)
Zachary (Oct '07)

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You know, I am going to come

by Mama T. on Apr 01, 2008 at 7:18 PM

You know, I am going to come back to this. I have thoughts on this but right now I'm busy.
______________________________________
~*~Peace On Earth Begins With Birth~*~

I know some kids who can

by tirsta on Apr 01, 2008 at 7:26 PM

I know some kids who can play fight and they are fine and know where the lines/limits are, but for my son I say no.

He just dosnt know not to cross the line and isnt mature enough to understand the difference between play and real.

Krazydogsgirl said ...

"A tough call I don't like calling it play fighting for one. My 3 year old likes to wrestle but when..."

Thanks for your reply. No,

by corazon on Apr 01, 2008 at 7:32 PM

Thanks for your reply.

No, they weren't throwing punches. They were wrestling for the most part. They also were doing karate moves. My aunt's boys actually know how to do these because they are in karate. It just seemed rough to me, but I probably have a different perspective since I'm not around this kind of "play". You could tell my aunt is very used to it because it didn't faze her at all. When my brother was complaining about being hurt, it bothered me. But, I saw him being an instigator too.

I think it's a tough issue because most boys have a lot of energy, and they have to release it somehow. But, where do you draw the line? I mean I can already picture it happening. My son is roughhousing, and he tells me other boys hurt him. I'm sure I will want to protect him. Then, DH will tell me not to baby him.